Broken

I hate this. Hate that I’m stuck and not even able to make myself try.

Half hearted effort follows half hearted effort.

And the only thing that is happening is I’m getting fatter and sadder in equal measure.

I’m pretending to follow a meal replacement diet, yet I’m driving to 24hr stores to stock up on jars of chocolate spread and bottles of fat coke!

I am the heaviest I have been in over a year and it shows no sign of getting better. Everything feels broken.

I no longer go to the gym. I don’t eat meals. I live off snacks – tubes of squeeze cream, blocks of cheese, family bags of Yorkshire puddings and mugfuls of gravy.

I disgust me. Nothing I own fits anymore. I hace gone from 163lb to 192lb. I just want to crawl in to bed and sob myself skinny.

So far it hasn’t worked. I need a plan.

I need help? What can I try?

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Hungry Hippos

Holy mother what on earth is going on!

Last post was almost 5 months ago.. and in those 5 months I did 3 amazing weeks of Exante and even though I started back at a whopping 188lbs,  I stuck to my shakes and got down to 172lbs by the end of August.

Since then I’ve munched my way straight back up to 186lb and feel fat and grumpy and bleurgh. I’ve yo-yoed from 175 to 185 and back since the end of August until now but it’s getting silly!

I’ve not seen the gym in months and my fridge is home to cake and cake. So I took the plunge and bought a 12 week countdown (plus 3 holiday weeks) back at Slimming World. I may not follow the plan right to the 12th week but for now it works.

I also got myself new gym plans and food plans and back to the gym I am going to be a BEAST!

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The biggest motivation for all this was (no pun intended) I bust out of my one and only pair of jeans… bought two new pairs and NEITHER fit!! Hippo!!!

So here it is… a new start (again)

I will be back to being happy with my weight.

Second weigh in of 2015

And it did not go well.

I gained 2.5 lbs – the exact amount I lost at my first weigh in. Oops.

I did however have an amazing week in the social sense and that of course included lots of good (but bad!) food and drink.

Let’s see, there was pizza – lots of pizza. And chips. Oh and then there was Nando’s. And real cooked dinner, with real gravy and all the naughty bits. Finally there was milkshake – unforgettable milkshake. Milkshake with Kinder Buenos and marshmallows and white chocolate buttons and cream and ice cream…. and lots and lots of yummy calories.

How I only gained 2.5 lbs I will never know.  But this week I am back and that gain is going!

Things I have done

* made free soup
* eaten and shared with dogs my last pie – still counted syns though
* did a mini Slimming World shop – milk/veg
* defrosted meat to make real food again

So wish me luck and I will see you next Friday!! (Hopefully a few lbs lighter!)