Broken

I hate this. Hate that I’m stuck and not even able to make myself try.

Half hearted effort follows half hearted effort.

And the only thing that is happening is I’m getting fatter and sadder in equal measure.

I’m pretending to follow a meal replacement diet, yet I’m driving to 24hr stores to stock up on jars of chocolate spread and bottles of fat coke!

I am the heaviest I have been in over a year and it shows no sign of getting better. Everything feels broken.

I no longer go to the gym. I don’t eat meals. I live off snacks – tubes of squeeze cream, blocks of cheese, family bags of Yorkshire puddings and mugfuls of gravy.

I disgust me. Nothing I own fits anymore. I hace gone from 163lb to 192lb. I just want to crawl in to bed and sob myself skinny.

So far it hasn’t worked. I need a plan.

I need help? What can I try?

Advertisements

Hungry Hippos

Holy mother what on earth is going on!

Last post was almost 5 months ago.. and in those 5 months I did 3 amazing weeks of Exante and even though I started back at a whopping 188lbs,  I stuck to my shakes and got down to 172lbs by the end of August.

Since then I’ve munched my way straight back up to 186lb and feel fat and grumpy and bleurgh. I’ve yo-yoed from 175 to 185 and back since the end of August until now but it’s getting silly!

I’ve not seen the gym in months and my fridge is home to cake and cake. So I took the plunge and bought a 12 week countdown (plus 3 holiday weeks) back at Slimming World. I may not follow the plan right to the 12th week but for now it works.

I also got myself new gym plans and food plans and back to the gym I am going to be a BEAST!

image

image

The biggest motivation for all this was (no pun intended) I bust out of my one and only pair of jeans… bought two new pairs and NEITHER fit!! Hippo!!!

So here it is… a new start (again)

I will be back to being happy with my weight.

Missing In Action – Or Is It Just AWOL

Something is going wrong. Im getting complacent. Im missing the gym, going over my syns allowance daily, not weighing my healthy extras and that is if I even remember them at all.

I was lucky this week. I lost a further 3lbs but I was ashamed as I know I did not deserve it. Maybe its that attitude that has caused all this in the first place.

I start each day with such good intentions. I usually have a B Choice for breakfast – mainly cereal bars. I had been making a packed lunch but that habit has gone out the window for reasons unknown. This would be a cheese and onion roll (I’ve been trying Green Days) with fruit, yoghurts and some low syn snacks. Then Id home cook dinner and finish off with my second A Choice hot chocolate and a chocolate bar.

Lately I’ve made no lunch so grabbed a handful of my low syn snacks – not so low syn when you have 4 or 5 of them! Then a snack from the supermarket. And extra syns for tea!

Im not writing down my food, not making and effort at the gym and not sticking to my syns! But why? Those weeks I lost 4lb I didn’t feel deprived, I felt stuffed and happy and energetic.

All I feel right now is fat, bloated and miserable.