Broken

I hate this. Hate that I’m stuck and not even able to make myself try.

Half hearted effort follows half hearted effort.

And the only thing that is happening is I’m getting fatter and sadder in equal measure.

I’m pretending to follow a meal replacement diet, yet I’m driving to 24hr stores to stock up on jars of chocolate spread and bottles of fat coke!

I am the heaviest I have been in over a year and it shows no sign of getting better. Everything feels broken.

I no longer go to the gym. I don’t eat meals. I live off snacks – tubes of squeeze cream, blocks of cheese, family bags of Yorkshire puddings and mugfuls of gravy.

I disgust me. Nothing I own fits anymore. I hace gone from 163lb to 192lb. I just want to crawl in to bed and sob myself skinny.

So far it hasn’t worked. I need a plan.

I need help? What can I try?

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Getting My Shake On!

So I got fat. As in… piled on the chub. I creeped from 163lb up to 188lb! Ouch!!

As soon as I ate anything that was it I couldn’t stop. It didn’t help that I’d got myself in to a crappy relationship with a jealous control freak… who wanted to feed me up  (to match him/ensure I wouldn’t wander). I got myself in to a terrible habit of 2 share chocolate bars a day, no real meals just nasty snacks 24/7. The sickness came back too… sorry guys.

So I have taken drastic action and cut out food fullstop to try and reset my body a touch. Don’t panic kids… I’m not starving, I’ve gone back to Exante.

Recap time – Exante, 3 meal packs a day and 2 litres of water. That’s it. Nothing else shall pass my lips!

Week One – July 13th – 188lb

I managed Monday through Friday 100%. On the Saturday I went on a work holiday with food included. Saturday and Sunday I had two packs and a small meal.

I lost about 10lb

Week 2 – 20th July

This was the holiday. Monday to Friday was either 1 pack 2 low calorie low carb meals or 2 packs and one meal. It was so tough turning down cream tea and all paid for meals out twice a day!! I snuck my scales in my suitcase and I lost about 2lb… which isn’t to be laughed at I guess.

Week 3 – 27th July

This has been such a tough week. I was 100% Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday I was back to work and it was a clients birthday – he saved me snacks and cake etc. Which I ate of course. Three days in a row I pigged out. Friday I used up two veggie pies and chips from my freezer and vowed to get back on it Saturday.

Saturday – deserved its own paragraph!

I had a shake at lunch, then got invited out to Cardiff for the day. Off we went to the most amazing Waffle & Sundae House… and I had….

…. a diet coke!

That’s right, Saturday was the 100% on plan. So far Sunday has been the same.

I’m now back to 176lb – 12lb down in almost three weeks (2 if you discount my work week!)

And long may it continue – 3 more weeks and I’m away and will eat anything I want. Until then, Exante all the way!

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Waffle Menu!

See you Monday for official weigh in!!!

No further on

Well a year has passed since I ended the crappiest relationship ever and I’m so much happier.

But in that year I have gained a stone. Luckily it hasn’t been more than a stone but I can’t seem to lose any of it either.

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Well it turns out that today is exactly 2 months until my boyfriend’s birthday. (That’s 9 weeks to be precise!)

I have decided that is a real goal with a real event that I will have to be at. Something to aim for. Before this, all my goals have been non-specific. I’d give myself a month or two months etc but there was no THING at the end to be slimmer FOR!

Well here goes the next 9 weeks. Starting now. I’m on it. I promise. I will lose a stone by then.

Things I Will Do

* daily food diary
* weigh and measure my HEXS
* count my syns
* sort out what I’m doing with the gym

Gym

I have gone back for a full week, then messed my back up and rested… then rest got longer.. and longer. And what do you know, another month of no gym.

I need to sit down and decide if I can justify the cost if I am not going to go.

Onwards!!