Why I Want To Ditch The Chub

So week one ends tomorrow and out of 6 days so far, I have stuck to a whopping 0 days!

What the hell is going on? I actually am now thinking maybe this is it. Maybe I can’t diet anymore. Maybe I am just destined to get bigger and bigger until I pop and die!

I know I have to do this though. And I know I can do it. So why am I fucking around? When there’s so much good food available why am I sat here eating a pack of cheese and a box of chocolate biscuits???

I have decided I do not like Slimming World SP. That’s not an excuse but I just don’t like it. I never really liked red…I love carbs! So I will reread my book and bugger SP and go back to my trusty Extra Easy.

But that’s not the whole answer, perhaps I was unprepared? I have no idea. All I know is I am miserable. And have no motivation to do anything about it. But I have also spent money to attend Slimming World for 12 weeks so have to commit at least that long. All I want to lose is 2 stone. I can do that easily. So fucking do it!!

Against

Too hard
Takes too long
Expensive
I’m lazy
I’m depressed

For

Be slimmer
Be lighter
I was happy
I was fitter

I am so miserable. I haven’t been to the gym in months bar a few odd days. I am eating nothing but junk and I can’t make myself care enough to try and stop. I hate myself. I see pictures of what I got to and I hate that I gave up on that person. They were happy, I am just a fat blob of a person and I hate it.

How do I make it stop. How do I make it better. How do I get back to being happy when it seems so far away.

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Missing In Action – Or Is It Just AWOL

Something is going wrong. Im getting complacent. Im missing the gym, going over my syns allowance daily, not weighing my healthy extras and that is if I even remember them at all.

I was lucky this week. I lost a further 3lbs but I was ashamed as I know I did not deserve it. Maybe its that attitude that has caused all this in the first place.

I start each day with such good intentions. I usually have a B Choice for breakfast – mainly cereal bars. I had been making a packed lunch but that habit has gone out the window for reasons unknown. This would be a cheese and onion roll (I’ve been trying Green Days) with fruit, yoghurts and some low syn snacks. Then Id home cook dinner and finish off with my second A Choice hot chocolate and a chocolate bar.

Lately I’ve made no lunch so grabbed a handful of my low syn snacks – not so low syn when you have 4 or 5 of them! Then a snack from the supermarket. And extra syns for tea!

Im not writing down my food, not making and effort at the gym and not sticking to my syns! But why? Those weeks I lost 4lb I didn’t feel deprived, I felt stuffed and happy and energetic.

All I feel right now is fat, bloated and miserable.

Listen Very Carefully, I Shall Say This Only Once

Here goes – and this is mildly painful to say – but…

Can I be losing weight too fast??

To summarise –

* I weigh everyday (so shoot me, it works for me)
* On average it has been dropping daily by around 1/2lb – 3.5lbs a week is what SW group agrees I have lost – all good there.
* My scales match group scales, loss for loss

HOWEVER

This week, so far… I have dropped 1.4 and 2.2 over two days (i.e. AM one and AM two)

Is this not a bit much? I’m on week three of 100% SW so all the water loss should be gone, surely?

Yea I’ve been working out but not THAT much?!

Oh well, official weigh is Tuesday and I cannot wait!! Never thought I’d worry it was coming off too fast! o_O

[Highlight of the week – I’m apparently FINALLY in the 12 stone bracket – happy dance!]