Why I Want To Ditch The Chub

So week one ends tomorrow and out of 6 days so far, I have stuck to a whopping 0 days!

What the hell is going on? I actually am now thinking maybe this is it. Maybe I can’t diet anymore. Maybe I am just destined to get bigger and bigger until I pop and die!

I know I have to do this though. And I know I can do it. So why am I fucking around? When there’s so much good food available why am I sat here eating a pack of cheese and a box of chocolate biscuits???

I have decided I do not like Slimming World SP. That’s not an excuse but I just don’t like it. I never really liked red…I love carbs! So I will reread my book and bugger SP and go back to my trusty Extra Easy.

But that’s not the whole answer, perhaps I was unprepared? I have no idea. All I know is I am miserable. And have no motivation to do anything about it. But I have also spent money to attend Slimming World for 12 weeks so have to commit at least that long. All I want to lose is 2 stone. I can do that easily. So fucking do it!!

Against

Too hard
Takes too long
Expensive
I’m lazy
I’m depressed

For

Be slimmer
Be lighter
I was happy
I was fitter

I am so miserable. I haven’t been to the gym in months bar a few odd days. I am eating nothing but junk and I can’t make myself care enough to try and stop. I hate myself. I see pictures of what I got to and I hate that I gave up on that person. They were happy, I am just a fat blob of a person and I hate it.

How do I make it stop. How do I make it better. How do I get back to being happy when it seems so far away.

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