Here I go again on my owwwwwn

Ok so here we go. Again.

Being overweight – it’s huge. (Pun may or may not have been intended. Decide amongst yourselves)

I have not lost a lb. Not one single lb. In fact I had a horrifying moment of hitting 202lb… not only did I cross from 100s to 200s but I believe that is actually closer to my start goal than my ultimate goal. 

Things I am Trying

  • Exercise – I bought a spin bike. Β£50. I’m hoping it’ll be used more and more as time goes on. Currently 30 minutes a day is the goal. 10 minutes at a time. When I can. 
  • Weighing – I have been known to cheat. Weigh 100s of times a day. Before the bathroom, after bathroom. Naked, clothed. I also have knocked off weight that I record because “I drank a tea” or “I’ve not peed today yet” so I bought Withings scales! Even in the sale they were Β£73… but they upload my weight automatically to various apps and then it’s out there.. in the Internet world. I can’t lie and take it back. I can’t knock anything off either as the weight goes directly – no edits! I’ve so far weighed a lot less since.

    And last but not least… I’ve been referred to an eating disorder dietician.. Which has been a long time coming and will hopefully sort some stuff out 
    In other news… I have rejoined the gym too as I finally grew a pair and applied for a work transfer!! Go me!! This means work not only sucks less.. but I also can go back to Spin classes in the mornings. Yay!!!

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    Broken

    I hate this. Hate that I’m stuck and not even able to make myself try.

    Half hearted effort follows half hearted effort.

    And the only thing that is happening is I’m getting fatter and sadder in equal measure.

    I’m pretending to follow a meal replacement diet, yet I’m driving to 24hr stores to stock up on jars of chocolate spread and bottles of fat coke!

    I am the heaviest I have been in over a year and it shows no sign of getting better. Everything feels broken.

    I no longer go to the gym. I don’t eat meals. I live off snacks – tubes of squeeze cream, blocks of cheese, family bags of Yorkshire puddings and mugfuls of gravy.

    I disgust me. Nothing I own fits anymore. I hace gone from 163lb to 192lb. I just want to crawl in to bed and sob myself skinny.

    So far it hasn’t worked. I need a plan.

    I need help? What can I try?

    Transformation Station!

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    Well look here, what have I gone and done! Binny has signed herself up for the 2016 Bodybuilding.com Transformation Challenge!!

    What is the Transformation Challenge I hear you cry? Well I shall tell you…

    12 weeks of clean eating and working your butt off for the chance to win $100,000

    There are also 5 prizes $10,000 for people picked by the public as well as weekly challenge prizes of gym stuff (supplements, equipment, shirts etc)

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    You can submit your before photos from Dec 27th until Jan 10th so as soon as that email comes through my photos will be going up. I registered last year too and did great for a few first weeks but had only really just started reading up on proper nutrition and such so struggled to plan and stick to plan.

    This year is going to be different. I’ve planned. And planned. And planned. I’ve ordered (and received!) all my protein powders, workout drinks, meal prep tubs etc. I’ve got my 12 week gym plan ready to go too!

    I am going to start on January 1st (yes..I’m one of THOSE people…) and plod on through until April 3rd.

    GOALS

    * Complete full 12 weeks of gym plan
    * Track macros to within 5-10%
    * Complete EVERY weekly challenge
    * Lose weight
    * Gain muscle
    * Feel awesome

    And that’s it. I’m not going to put any numbers on it (not right now anyway) as I’d like to just LOOK and FEEL better in my appearance rather than solely panic about a little (or not so little) number.